Using Fun to Build Healthy Communication! Part One
Drawing Activity to Build Healthy Communication and Connection
Communication, even with someone that you love, can be really difficult at times. You may feel very lost or confused about what they’re thinking and doing. You may second guess what to say or wonder how much to ask questions.
There are a lot of concrete skills to work on around communication. (Check out last week’s post on Gentle Start ups!) But, I also want to let you know that improving and learning better communication skills can be FUN!
Instead of sitting and staring awkwardly at one another the whole time, I want to give you one way to engage with your partner, have fun, and work on communication at the same time! The questions at the end of the activity help improve communication a lot, so keep reading until the end!
Communication Drawing Challenge
Note: You really don’t need to know how to draw! The drawing is not going to be perfect and that is normal and completely fine. It's more about how you communicate than how you draw.
Who is this activity for? How long does it take?
Anyone can do this activity with a loved one, a close friend, a not-so-close friend, or even a parent. This activity will challenge your communication skills and help you have fun while learning about yourself and the other person. You can play this with kids, seniors, and everyone in-between. Personally, I lead this activity with most couples who come into my counseling office.
This activity can take 10-30 minutes, or basically as long as you want it to go! I promise you do NOT need to know how to draw other than knowing how to draw a line and the basic shapes.
What you need:
You’ll need the following two things:
List of random things to draw starting with very easy things and ranging to more difficult things. If you search for “list of easy things to draw” you can find tons of these online. Pick your favorite one or create your own. (Here’s one such list.)
Drawing supplies. I prefer white boards and dry erase markers, but you can use paper and pencils, crayons, or colored pencils. Whatever is available and comfortable for you to use will work.
A fun spirit! This activity will bring out some interesting and laughable results. Try to relax and enjoy the fun moment with your partner.
After collecting the supplies, you will need a big enough space to turn away from your partner so neither of you can see what the other is looking at/drawing.
Sit back to back with your partner so that you cannot see what each other are looking at/doing. Only share once you both agree you are done with instructions and drawing!
What to do:
Each partner will take on the role of the drawer or the instruction giver. As the instruction giver, you will look over the drawing item list, picture it in your head, and describe for the other person how to draw the picture. Do this by telling the person to draw certain shapes or lines, where they should be on the page, and how big they should be. Each drawing will be something new from the list to keep things interesting. The drawer will draw the picture just using the instructions given. Sounds pretty simple, right? We’ll find out…
Round 1: No questions or feedback
Start with the person taking directions and drawing being unable to ask ANY QUESTIONS. Yep, they are only able to draw what they hear the other person describing and have to listen very carefully. The person describing has to be detailed and give clear instructions to help the partner understand what the drawing should look like in the end. After all instructions are given to the instruction giver’s satisfaction, turn and share and usually laugh about what was drawn.
Swap who does what and go again a few times, giving both partners multiple chances to give and take directions from one another.
Round 2: Yes or No questions/clarifications
After a couple of turns with each person doing both roles, let the person drawing start asking yes or no questions. “Is this line horizontal? Is the circle as big as a quarter? Is the line attached to the circle?” This provides some opportunity for the person drawing to get and give feedback without completely opening the floodgates. Remember to only ask questions that can be answered with a “yes” or “no.”
In this stage you will likely be getting better about communicating and listening to one another, and starting to learn how to listen and give each other better directions. Keep taking turns in each role until you’re ready for the next round.
Round 3: Open communication*
Lastly, let the person drawing ask questions freely. While still not saying what exactly to draw, both of you are getting better at giving instructions to their partner and often enjoy seeing the final product. (Whether it’s anything close to what they were thinking or not!)
Continue with each person taking on both roles and see how much progress and growth can be made.
Bonus Round: Silent once more
One last time, try the activity again without letting the person drawing ask any questions and see if there’s been any improvement! Regardless, by this time you’ll likely be laughing and trying newer and harder things on the list.
*There are some people who prefer to switch the order of the rounds and start with all the questions being asked first and then have less and less opportunity for questions and clarification as they proceed. While this can be fun, I find so many more opportunities to learn and grow when I proceed in the above order. If you’re able to challenge yourselves, you might be surprised at the results. However, I promise I’m not watching over your shoulder, so do what feels right for you and your partner.
Use the questions below to continue to reflect on what you’ve learned about communicating and how to improve your communication skills.
Things to think about while you play:
Using these questions during/after the activity can help you gain so much information about yourself and your partner and provide encouragement for one another. Take your time thinking about these questions or take turns asking one another these questions after each round and/or when you finish the game.
As the Listener/Drawer:
How well am I listening to my partner give the instructions? Do I trust them to give me the information I need? Am I trying to jump ahead and figure out what they are describing from the beginning or am I able to take the instructions one step at a time? Am I frustrated with the instructions they are giving and how am I responding to those emotions?
When I’m able to ask questions:
What more information do I want to get from my partner? What am I still struggling to understand? How can I ask questions to help me better understand what I should be drawing? Is it easy for me to limit myself to yes/no questions (when applicable)?
Instruction Giver:
How well is my partner understanding the instructions I’m providing? Am I struggling to give clear and concise directions? Does it help me to visualize (or draw a rough sketch) of what I’m describing?
When my partner is asking questions:
What information is my partner seeking that I’m not providing for them? Do I find myself getting frustrated at their questions? How am I responding to those emotions? How can I be more clear on my instructions to help them?
Both Partners:
What was the easier role for each of us: instruction giver or drawer? What did we learn about each other? Where did we struggle in our communication? How difficult was it not to ask questions at the beginning? Which stage was easiest for us and why? How was it to be creative and fun together?
Communication does not just apply to discussions and arguments in relationships. Communication impacts how you share information with your partner and how you are able to describe what you are needing/looking for. Communication will also impact how you listen to one another, respect the other person’s opinions and point of view, and how to give feedback/ask questions when you don’t quite understand the other person. This is not a skill once learned and forgotten. Each person communicates in different ways and this will need to be rediscovered with your partner as you learn, grow, and change.
How can you create more space for fun and connection in your relationship?
Share your story of how the activity went in the comments!
Share your results in the comments!
How did everything go for you and your partner? Did you learn anything particularly fun or interesting?
Want more help?
If you are looking for some outside assistance in communication skill building while also having fun, schedule a free 20 minute consultation with me to see if you would like to begin couples or adult family counseling.
