Advice to those Starting Therapy
Advice for those who are considering or just starting counseling from past clients.
I have had the privilege of sitting with people in some of the hardest moments of their lives and have been able to witness the power of growth, strength and courage. I have loved doing the work with my clients and helping them move closer to their dreams. And yet, there are so many who would benefit from counseling who are hesitant or uncertain about what counseling or therapy looks like.
Knowing that more and more people are starting to reach out and explore counseling for themselves or their families, I started asking my clients what advice they would give to others wanting to start counseling. I received amazing advice and a lot of the same themes but wanted to share these words of wisdom from people ranging from 13 to 65 years old.
There will also be a couple parts to this post as it’s too much for one blog, including one specifically for advice for couples seeking counseling. Stay tuned for more advice to come.
Therapy is good for you, (good for) your body, mind and soul.
Let’s start with one of my clients noting that therapy can be so good for your body, mind and soul. Therapy is a place where you learn so much more about yourself (and your loved ones in couples/family counseling). Therapy provides a place for you to develop new skills and strengths that will help you get through so much!
While I am a counselor, I have my own therapist that I see who helps me unpack my own stuff and helps me hold more space for my clients and people around me. In my own opinion, only see counselors who have their own counselor! It means they are also still willing to learn and have space to process when they need it.
Counseling can be a safe place to share your thoughts, feelings, and ideas.
“It’s good to talk to people, good to vent about your problems.”
“Counseling is somewhere you can talk.”
Talk therapy is called that for a reason. People can find a lot of peace, clarity, and encouragement with therapy as they talk and vent about their concerns and are able to find new resolutions and ideas about what to do next. Sometimes counselors can help problem solve, and sometimes they will just provide space for you to be able to share what you’re thinking without judgment.
Regardless of how much or little input you want/need from your therapist, they are a trained listener and can hold what you want and need to share with them.
“Don’t be scared to talk through things. If you don’t talk through it, you might never understand it.”
If you are struggling with a topic/concept/concern, and can’t figure out what to do. Most people will start writing things down to see it more clearly or talk with a friend/support person to verbally process it out loud. Counseling provides that space for clients to be able to get their stuck points out of their head and into an open and safe space to process and see it more clearly.
I have had a lot of clients realize a lot, just by giving voice to difficult and hard things, because it helps them hear and come to terms with it in new light. Counselors can also help you explore difficult topics, and will likely ask you questions to help you better understand it than your friends can. Counselors have had training to learn more about asking questions, and listening, and will provide a better space for you to process than most other people.
“No matter what, your counselor will not judge you. They've heard worse and will go ‘okay, let's figure this out together.’”
Counselors have experience holding some really difficult and tough topics. Unlike your friend Joe who lives next door, counselors hear stories from lots of different people and have experience with how to hold space for things that might be difficult to share with a friend.
If you want to be able to talk about something or want help with a particular area that you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about with friends/family, a counselor can hold a safe space for that conversation. Whether it’s a bad experience from the past, a worrisome thought that won’t go away, or something you feel guilty or shame about, a counselor could be a helpful resource to process and potentially release it.
Believe it or not, they’ve likely heard something harder, more difficult, or more strange from someone else. Yet, if you hold yourself back from sharing those difficult things, you won’t get the help that you want or need. Take a deep breath, practice saying it in your head if you need to, and be courageous and share what you need with your counselor.
While starting counseling can feel really uncomfortable, you can develop a relationship in which you feel safe and comfortable.
“Find a counselor you feel comfortable with. One person (counselor) will not match with everyone.”
Counselors’ styles and personalities vary just like all people do. If you are starting the process of counseling, know that there will be counselors that you find it easier to connect with than others.
Just like with friendships and dating relationships, there are aspects of others’ personalities that influence how we get along with them. They might have a more serious perspective, when you want to use humor and levity to brighten the space. They might be using a certain approach that doesn’t click as well with you. (There are a lot of different types and approaches to counseling… And yes, I know that this can complicate the process and make it more difficult to find a good one to begin. I’m sorry.)
Know that if one therapist doesn’t work as well with you, another might be the perfect one that helps you make bounds of progress towards your goals. This is why a fair amount of counselors offer a free consultation or a discounted first session. Set up appointments with a few options to find one that you feel more comfortable with. And know that it might take a few sessions to really get to know them. If one doesn’t work, try another one (or two) before giving up or you might miss out on a fantastic opportunity for growth.
Also, know that if you are seeing a counselor and decide you want to try a different counselor instead, just ask!! The best counselors want you to find someone that really clicks with you and can truly help you towards your goals. If you aren’t invested and connected in therapy, you are not going to be making the progress you want and the counselor will also feel that tension/slowness. When you ask, your counselor can offer referrals and talk you through the process of transferring.
“You can be a little nerd… you likely won't be as odd as your therapist.”
Speaking of personalities as they appear in counselors, know that your therapist may also be nerd, odd, or strange like you. Therapists have their own quirks and personalities that come out in therapy, and this makes it even more important to find someone who can appreciate your quirks and whose own quirks invite you into conversation instead of putting you off talking with them. Your therapists are real people and you can get to know their own personality quirks in time.
Finding time for yourself in this crazy world is very difficult. Therapy is a time set aside just for you. It’s your time to process, reflect, and grow.
“Therapy is your comfortable space and time.”
“It's you time.”
Therapy is a time when it really is all about you. Therapy is where you get to be the sole focus (if in individual counseling) or your relationship is the main focus (for couples and family sessions). For some people this may be the only time without others clamoring for their attention, kids pulling on their legs and asking for things, and when work can be fully put aside.
This is time for the person or family to really relax, get to hold space for whatever they want, and process stuff for them and only them. If you are not in the practice of regularly taking such time by yourself or if your stage of life (such as having little kids) makes it almost impossible to do so, counseling can be a breath of fresh air and help you center yourself for the week to come.
Life can feel so crazy at times, but scheduling time for yourself and counseling can be so very helpful.
Now to some practical advice about scheduling and appointments…
“Show up!”
Counseling is only effective when you come. And for some this means just coming to the appointment. For others, it can mean being present and engaged when you are in counseling. Show up not only physically, but also mentally and emotionally to get the most from counseling. This level of engagement is easier for some than others, but any and all attempts make a world of difference!
“Let them know ahead of time if you can't make it. Make the effort to be communicative.”
Please do your best to communicate with your counselor when you want to schedule. If you are not going to make it, let your counselor know. It’s just like relationships with your friends and family. If you make plans with someone, letting them know if you are running late or can’t come helps alleviate some of the stress and frustration on the part of the other person.
Most counselors will have a no show/late cancellation policy, because if you cannot make that appointment time, maybe another client can. Letting your counselor know you won’t make it with as much notice as possible, provides them the opportunity to offer that time for someone else. And if it’s an emergency, just let them know. We still care about you and want to know you’re safe.
Lastly,
“Just do it!”
If counseling is even on your radar, you could probably benefit from talking to someone and seeing if it’s the right time and fit for you. While the process of finding someone may feel overwhelming and it may be stressful thinking about talking to someone new, you can do it! Start with small steps like asking your doctor/medical provider for referrals (especially if you want to use insurance) or signing up for a consultation with a local counselor. Each small step takes you closer to your goals!
If you or your loved one is thinking about starting counseling, feel free to sign up for a free 20-minute consultation through my website. I can learn about your goals and see if I’m the right fit for you, or if I know of a colleague who would be fantastic for your needs. If you know others who are in counseling, feel free to ask them for referrals as well and see if they know of people in your area. Regardless of who you start with, I wish you the best of luck on the journey through counseling and hope that you can start moving towards your goals and self-discovery.
