Premarital Counseling Explained
Have you found your person and feel ready to go deeper? Use Premarital Counseling to open communication and get on the same page with your future.
Maybe you have found “your person.” The person who you want to spend the foreseeable future with if not forever. You are feeling over the moon whenever you spend time with them and don’t want to limit that time more than needed. So what’s next?
Perhaps you’re interested in moving in with one another or are considering marriage. As you are considering the future with this person, you may find there are questions and things that you want to get on the same page about. Common examples include if and when you want to have children, what you want to do with finances (separately or mixed or a combo), and what are your long-term goals like travel and career goals. These are just a few things that might come up in normal conversation, or could take some time to emerge.
Counseling during this stage in your relationship can open up more conversations and help both partners get on the same page as you move forward together. Premarital counseling (even for those not considering marriage) helps couples uncover and discuss these issues and can set a fantastic foundation of open communication and respect for the relationship to come.
What is Premarital Counseling?
Premarital counseling is a particular type of counseling that explores different dynamics within their relationship as they are preparing for marriage or getting serious about their relationship. It is often more structured and tends to be limited in the number of counseling sessions (often between 5 and 10 sessions) in comparison to “normal” couples counseling. Oftentimes, the couple will be asked to complete an assessment that helps the couple and counselor understand specific dynamics in their relationship.
Who is Premarital Counseling for?
Premarital counseling is for couples who are getting serious about their relationship and/or thinking about getting married. They may be engaged already or be thinking about getting engaged. They could also not be interested in marriage at all, but want to be on the same page in their long-term relationship. Couples who were recently married, could also benefit from this counseling as it can provide a lot of insight into their relationship dynamics as they are still forming.
What are the Goals of Premarital Counseling?
During this counseling, clients will talk about and explore different dynamics of their relationship. They will be able to clarify their expectations of one another and get on the same page around various topics and common issues. This type of counseling can also provide couples insight into their relationship and better understand if they will be a good match for one another moving forward.
To solidify relationship
Clarify expectations of both people
Understand the other person better
Open up communication about various topics and common issues
Note: If there are particular concerns that need more time or exploration, the couple may choose to transition into longer-term counseling. This is not required or expected, however.
What Issues and Topics are Addressed with Premarital Counseling?
Family backgrounds
Mindset about marriage/commitments
Individual wellbeing
Social Support
Financial views and goals
Expectations around general and family tasks
Dynamics of your personalities and how they may affect one another
How you define and show love
Thoughts and expectations about sex
How you respond to challenges
Communication styles
Gender dynamics
Spirituality (if applicable)
Use counseling to open up communication with your partner and set a foundation for your future together.
What are the Different Premarital Counseling Programs?
There are a few options for couples who are interested in exploring this type of counseling.
If both people in the couple have religious backgrounds, they can often explore possibilities within their faith communities. This may be done by leaders within their faith community such as a pastor or rabbi, or could be explored by someone in the community who is able to hold space for these conversations. If you want faith to be a part of the conversation, be sure to ask during a consultation or meeting about how the faith will be addressed in the course of the premarital counseling.
Another option for people in Christian-based communities is to look into SYMBIS (Save Your marriage Before It Starts) facilitators. You can search by location and find options who live near you, including licensed counselors.
There are also a couple options for people who do not have a faith/religious background or both partners might not fully agree. These include Prepare and Enrich Facilitators. With this program, you can do an assessment that matches your faith background more closely including if you do not practice the same faith as your partner or neither partner practices religion. This opens up a lot more opportunities for conversations around this dynamic and the impact it may or may not have on your relationship.
Lastly, find a couples counselor in your local area and ask if they do premarital counseling or know someone else who does. Some counselors are more trained in this area than others, so find someone that fits your comfort level in this regard and who has comfort with this approach. Since premarital counseling is often more condensed than “regular” couples counseling, it is more direct and structured than general couples counseling.
If you live in Colorado and are interested in this type of counseling, I am personally trained with SYMBIS and Prepare and Enrich and love working with these couples! Reach out for a free consultation and see if I’m the right fit for you and your loved one!
